Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
