Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I wish life had little blips of pornography
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
