I got chris browned last night
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
