I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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