I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
