It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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