Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
