Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
