you guys were way drunker than both of me
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
