Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
