thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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