SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
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all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
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Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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