it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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