yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
