I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
