Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Randomize
