I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
