I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
