OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
