Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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