my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
