"it" just moved
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
