I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
He has the fingertips of a God
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