Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
