Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
