I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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