Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
