she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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