oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
