apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
