DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
