I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
