Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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