TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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