You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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