My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
