New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
This gyro tastes like lonliness
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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