when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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