i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
