On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Drunk is not a location!
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
