Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I have aggressive nipples.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
