have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
