tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
