Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
