just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
