I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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