i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
