His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
