Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
