Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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