Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
You were trust falling into bushes
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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