she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
