Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
