Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
it glows. i had to have it.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
