It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
