I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Randomize
