The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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