i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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