Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
