You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
i think my cat just said my name.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
