I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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