So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Randomize
