my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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