I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Randomize