I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Randomize
