If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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