i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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