Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
