The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
